Mental illness, guilt and anger.

It's been a while since my last post. The last few weeks of the school term always get busy and of course, coupled with Uni assignments, it results in extra stress.

This term has been a trying one, all 11 weeks of it. My 'flutters' (this is my pre-panic attack state) started increasing and were causing me much discomfort. At first it was just at night, but then it started in the morning and would continue all day. It's a strange feeling, being on the verge of being breathless and shaky, and unable to control it. That lack of control is hard to handle.

Obviously, it meant a visit to the doctor. To rule out any possibilities of other issues, I was treated to several heart tests, just to be sure this was not a contributing factor. Luckily all tests were fine, but this meant that it was probably the anxiety, which in turn meant increasing my dose of meds.  So I have had to up my dose, twice and it seems to have done the trick :) Woohoo. The only trouble with the meds, when I first started taking them, they made me feisty. Each time I have to increase the dose, this is one of the side effects, so I tend to get a little angry. I am not naturally an angry person and have a fair amount of self-control, but I sometimes just want to yell or roar at people when they frustrate me. I get even more sassy than usual and sometimes it is not in my favour. I don't lose it often, but when I have I usually end up regretting it - well how I reacted. It also results in me feeling vacant and my people skills evaporate. I feel distant and as if I am living in a dream. Surreal, really.

What I find particularly annoying about living with anxiety is not having a reason. It's just there and it feels as if it appeared out of nowhere. Well, I felt it developing but never thought I would land up where I am. I felt a bit stressed but who doesn't? It was a busy end of year, I was starting a new job the next year, heading for a trip to South Africa to visit family and I thought it was just a result of feeling a bit overwhelmed. I started the new year on a back foot and it just snowballed from there - nearly 18 months ago. I look around and I see a world in pain, I see people in pain and here's me, living a good and blessed life with no reason to be struggling mental health, yet I am. I can understand when something happens and causes mental illness but when it just rears its head and torments you, it really makes no sense. I end up feeling angry at myself for feeling this way and guilty that I am so blessed, yet over it.

Mental health and me

It's hard to know where to begin when talking about mental health, even more so when it involves you personally. Although many are affected, it is such a personal experience for each individual and has influencing factors making it 'easier' or more difficult to keep swimming. Either way, it is a confusing, exhausting and emotionally taxing experience, leaving a person feeling less than adequate, somewhat crazy and fearful of what the future holds.

I never really considered my own mental health seriously until I panic attacks would disarm me at least once a week. Night panic attacks were far more frequent and I would wake up out of breath, shaking and traumatised. I tried to ignore it, brush it under the carpet but feeling terrified for no reason, angry and tearful was interfering with my life. It took a lot of coaxing to get myself up in the morning and dressed. Tears would run down my cheeks as I drove to work and by the time I arrived just after 8am, I was exhausted from the pep talks I had to deliver in order to get myself there. Once there, I was fine. Mornings and afternoons were my worst. Until one afternoon I broke down, for no apparent reason. It was then that I knew (and with the support of my awesome husband) that I needed to see someone.

Medication scares me, but it has rescued me from a dark and daunting place. Not every day is a walk in the park, but it certainly doesn't make life seem so monotonous and futile. What is also scary is being advised to see a psychologist and even a psychiatrist (my initial round of meds were not doing the best possible job) when you have never been down this unknown path before. It felt like admitting to craziness, yet doing it was empowering.

I would love to explore this further if you have time and want to read more. It becomes a lifestyle and consumes a person, so I don't want this to be the focus of my blog. I hope it to be more informative and enlightening, even perhaps a part of my healing process. Compared to a year ago, I am in a much better place, but it is still a daily struggle and some days I feel vacant and disconnected, other days I feel feisty, but through it all, I have learnt that a smile goes a long way (and protects you from your emotions).

Thank you for reading. Please feel free to comment or ask any questions.

My sparkle is alive

I recently attended a 'show' presented by Julie Cross http://www.juliecross.com.au/ and I am so chuffed that I went.

Julie is an inspirational speaker who reminds people to be unapologetically themselves and to be the best version of themselves. She says that 'we don't see things as they are, we see things as we are' and isn't this so true. All our experiences define our responses, shape our beliefs about ourselves and we are easily affected by the world, our environment and what we think the world expects of us. It is really difficult living up to imagined perfection.

So often we are caught up in what others are doing, wanting to mimic them and forgetting who we are in the process. We celebrate their successes and have this opinion that the world expects the same of us. But it doesn't, we need to own our space and relax into who WE are. It's about being fearlessly unique. Julie reminded me of this, she reminded me that only I own my sparkle. We all have sparkle, but no-ones sparkle is identical to anyone else's. It's about finding your sparkle. I believe that to find ones sparkle, one needs to take some time out and find what you love. In saying that, infusing that love into all areas of your life will help that sparkle shine. Life is not perfect, it can be mundane and if I am honest, there are times when I feel I am over it. Julie reminded that finding joy in any situation is a choice. There are going to be times of darkness, sadness and we need to embrace those feelings but they can't define us. Nurture yourself, enjoy yourself and share that sparkle with the world and 'look at the world through a sense of awe.'

It was a timely reminder for me and where I am right now. I have had a tough 18months or so. I am having more good days, less tears and the panic attacks are mostly under control. Julie's message sang into my heart. I promised myself that this year I would nurture myself, find myself again and know that when darkness tries to cover me, when panic strikes, 'I have got this' and it is time to #sparkleup. May the good days be longer stretches and in a world of awesome men and women, I am allowed to see myself as a 'SHERO' (she version of a hero)

Thank you to Julie and all of those who have travelled some of this road with me. I will be talking more about mental illness and the confusion and craziness it brings with it, but also the understanding for others and the comfort from others. More on this another time. Thank you for reading xx

Back to the blog.

I feel as though I am in a support group, as I want to start this blog off by saying 'It has been 13 months since my last blog'. In this case, however, I would like to blog more regularly and quit my addiction to procrastination (and chocolate)

When I started this blog, my focus was to be educational, following in the footsteps of my hubby who is a dedicated educator. I am too, but my interests and my writing is far different to his and I think that was part of the problem. I was trying to fit into someone else's mould, rather than create my own.

Apparently I still have a lot to learn about myself, but my hope is to show you how I see the world. It will probably include education, but I can assure you that I will venture down other avenues. As topics arise, random thoughts enter my head or ramblings about life in general, I will be sure to share my experiences and look forward to you following my journey and being part of the road being travelled. We are all interconnected, we all have so much to offer and share and in a time when we try and be a voice, I have decided to find mine and share it with you. Please read along, comment and help me find my voice in the world of screams, echoes and constant interruptions.

It's been great writing again.
Blessings

Reflecting on #28days Day 28

Today marks the end of #28daysofwriting and the opportunity to reflect on the blogging process. Due to illness I missed a week, but I found this exercise worthwhile. It has been a useful tool to explore, reflect, consider and express. As a teacher, I think that blogging or reflecting regularly is very useful for personal and professional growth, it is a great idea to document our own experiences and what we have accomplished in the classroom. It is an opportunity to be vulnerable and see how to improve, it is a platform to develop as a teacher and acknowledge what has worked and what has not.

Writing for 28minutes every day is not easy. Some days I suffered from writer's block. Some days I had little to say and other days I had too much to say. I think that a topic or focus thread for a blog is a good idea as it helps when creating a blog. I usually have too much to say and can spend ages trying to find the write words, so just writing was pretty liberating, though I found most of my posts only mediocre and that my 'writers voice' suffered because of this. As the saying goes, time is a thief and committing to 28 minutes a day, although not a long period of time, is not always easy in the busyness of life. 

What 28days has taught me though, is that regularly writing is great to reflect and share ideas, it often helps consolidate and concrete ideas, emotions, thoughts and experiences. By grappling with this, we not only live in the moment of our day, but reflect on it which is an important tool in being a lifelong invested learner and teacher. 

I doubt I will blog daily and my life gets even busier this coming week as my studies commence once again, but I do hope to make a regular effort in sharing some experiences with you and hopefully in time my 'voice' will become stronger, my learning will improve and you will contribute to my blog to help me develop, grow and learn more along the way.

A big thank you to Tom Barrett for his great idea. What a great initiative. You rock.

Let's be brave, let us be bold, LET'S BLOG.

Sink or swim #28days day27

Today was the school swimming carnival. Yes, it is a long day in the sun, yes I am often wrecked by the end of it, but such a worthwhile day. We get to see our students outside the classroom, outside the confines of the curriculum, having fun and where yelling is an expectation. Team spirit, camaraderie and fun are expressed in full.

Things ran differently when I was at high school in South Africa. Only the top swimmers got to swim, there was no opportunity to swim unless you 'made it'. This involved rigorous time trials and practices during weekly Physical Education lessons at the school pool, and these times determined your success, or lack thereof. Quite frankly, I didn't want to swim, as the other swimmers were so strong, that I was afraid to look a fool anyway, so I got used to and felt comfort in being a supporter...until grade 12 when by some miracle I made it into a race. I have no idea where I placed, I remember getting halfway across the pool thinking (breathlessly wishing) I was nearly at the other end and when I did finally reach the other side, I was pretty thrilled that I was still alive...when you are not a swimmer, 50m is no walk in the park lol. But, it was fun participating, hearing all the houses yelling.

Today, though, I loved. Anyone could participate. There were some kids using pool noodles, some who were almost stranded and in the midst of those up ahead, I saw some beautiful acts of kindness and support. Seniors, getting in alongside those less stronger swimmers, helping them, encouraging them and shouting even louder for them. That is team spirit. These kids entrusted to us are diverse, wonderful creatures and it is a great opportunity to enjoy seeing them outside the classroom. What a privilege to see the unity and enjoy getting to see different sides of the students. Oh and those who choose to miss these events, you really don't know what you are missing, it is a great day, heat and all.  

Ghosts of teachers past #28days day25

As I look back on my school days, there are 3 types of teachers I remember - the ones I loved and the ones I 'didn't love'. The teachers I loved were friendly, kind, vibrant. Then there were the teachers I call 'inbetweeners', they were adequate. Of all my teachers, the majority feature on the 'adequate, I have to really think hard to remember their names, what they taught and any other information I can try wrack from my memory' list. It is sad to think that not a larger majority featured on the 'awesome list'. Though, I am pleased that the teachers who I believe 'failed' me, are a minority. 

My most vivid memory of this teacher was my grade 5 teacher. I was terrified of her, she was always yelling. She reminded us often that we were like a bunch of jellyfish (I am not entirely sure what it meant, but it was not a good thing being a jellyfish!) and her other favourite saying was that getting anything out of us was 'like drawing blood out of a stone'. I don't think anyone contributed because we were so scared. My marks went down, I looked forward to getting to subjects we had with other teachers just so I could feel a little more at ease. That was more than 25 years ago, but I have clear memories of how I felt, the fear and dread I felt when I arrived in class, never knowing when the volcano might erupt and afraid to get the work wrong in case I got into trouble. I lived year 5 in a constant state of fear and anxiety. My peers did as well. I felt flat and on edge. My day was dominated with feelings of negativity and inadequacy. As I got older, I often wondered why this teacher even considered teaching. It is amazing though, that these memories are still with me and have defined me to an extent.

All I hope for as a teacher is to touch someone's life and make them passionate about learning, to know that I truly care. I don't want to be adequate. There are days when I feel I fail my students, but I reflect and hope that I can challenge and inspire them. We respond differently to different teachers and I realise that personality and subject matter also play a role, but for the most part, I hope that if my students look back, they remember me and remember for being passionate, kind and teaching them something they remember. I want them to know that I value them for who they are, that I know there is more to them than the walls of my classroom and that when they look back at their past one day, that their memories are good ones, of inspiration, hope and challenge. 

No recipes for teaching #28days Day24

There are people who walk into a room and own it. They have an air of confidence, something that captures the crowd. I am not that person. I am an introvert, public speaking scares me and alone time gives me the energy I need to recharge. Your personality doesn't define your teaching ability, your passion does. Your desire to learn, grow and the ability to change and meet your students needs are also paramount. There are times that I feel I fail my students, but as I reflect, I am able to learn from it and as I develop, I can address these areas and continually improve. 

No student, no class, no school is the same, so unlike grandma's secret non-flop chocolate cake recipe that works every time, there is no recipe to follow to have the 'perfect' lesson. There will always be challenges and as a teacher, you have to roll with the punches, you need to adapt and change the 'recipe' each time. The recipe has more success though when it is shared with the students, the recipe works wonders when injected with love and passion. And, facing some challenges, well that helps along the way. I was recently asked to MC an event of about 50 people, I didn't hesitate to say 'Yes' (After reading something on Twitter last year sometime to say yes and think afterwards). I surprised myself, mostly because usually whatever I want to say falls out my head, along with any vocabulary and I usually shake. I was surprisingly calm, relaxed and in control. I decided that in order to grow, I need to accept challenges and I did, and it was worth it :) Maybe next I will try be the person who owns the room... ;) 

Teachers who define us. Part 2. #28days day 23

When just one teacher believes in you, it can change your world. My grade three teacher certainly changed my life. From a mediocre performer, she saw something in me and sparked a flame. She challenged me, inspired me and believed in me. I don't remember all the details, what I do remember is her telling me to try harder levels of maths and phonics, she encouraged me to find answers without her help. She didn't neglect me, but what she gave me was the confidence that I could figure it out on my own and feel the satisfaction of accomplishment. She helped me see that if I kept trying, I could come to a solution. She showed me that patience and determination are a strong combination in success. In essence she taught me about grit. Furthermore, I remember her being there when I was stuck, giving me clues and when I was really stumped, she showed me step by step until I understood. She showed me that she valued my education and that although she was the teacher, that I was as much part of the journey as she was. She made me feel loved and valued as a child and as a student. She was animated and funny, she was passionate and kind. I remember her often embracing kids who were crying, I remember her smiling and laughing, but most of all I remember that when I looked at her, she seemed to be enjoying herself and that in itself was contagious. 

Before grade three I saw school as a place I had to go, but Mrs Hoy made me love school and learning. I was the top of my class for the rest of my primary school years, not because I was the smartest, but because I loved to learn and absorb the world around me. No teacher will ever compare to her. She gave me a gift that year, a gift that I have held onto my whole life. She showed me that I mattered, that your attitude to learning is what counts (you can choose to enjoy it) and that kindness and passion can never be 'too much'. 

Teachers who define us. Part 1 #28days Day22

High school was a totally different experience to primary school. I loved primary school. I loved learning and I loved my teachers. Then I hit a thousand plus all girls high school. We were not allowed earrings at all, wearing jumpers was not permitted outside the school property unless we had a blazer over it, we had badges that needed to be worn always (including a school crest and name badge in the colour of your house) and detentions were always looming. Detention not only included picking up litter after school, scraping gum from underneath desks, sanding desks and and cleaning toilets (to mention a few), it also involved having your name called out in assembly (parade), walking onto the stage and standing in a line with fellow 'detainees' while the whole school looked on.

I found high school intimidating. Teachers made me nervous and I had very little desire to put much effort in. Having a positive encounter was not often and none of my teachers really took the time to get to know me. I felt as if I was on a conveyor belt, knowledge was pounded into me and if I didn't understand I was simply left behind. The only teachers who seemed to be vaguely interested in me as as person, allowed me to explore ideas and opinions were my English teachers. I had amazing English teachers all through high school. I was still lazy, but I felt that doors opened beyond school. I especially remember my grade 8 and grade 12 teachers, they were frank, honest and pushed me to see the world through my eyes, not theirs. I felt connected, we discussed current events from newspapers, we analysed poetry, seeing how many different ways it could be interpreted, we engaged with texts that they made us relate to our own lives and present issues. 

These teachers taught me that despite the constraints of a curriculum, passion and relevance are great tools in the classroom. They were the first teachers who actually shared who they were with us. I felt that I knew them a little more and felt inspired as a citizen of the world. I was still naive and innocent, but I felt that my world had been opened up and that I could contribute to the world as an adult. I felt that I could safely share an idea in class and it would be valid. I felt that I would not be mocked or laughed. 

I often wonder if I only enjoyed English because it was my own passion, or if it was because of the teachers. Perhaps it is a bit of both.

PS in case you were wondering I got a detention once and vowed it would be the last time. Some grade 8's (including myself) failed the prefects test - we had to memorise the names of all the prefects, if they were also house captains, had academic colours etc and know the school hymn and prayer by heart. A prefect could be a house captain or vice captain as well - and both had to be noted if that were the case. I was so nervous and certainly did not enjoy the consequences. I knew the hymn and school prayer but all those names were just too much. 

Make or break - social media #28days Day21

Due to ill health, I unfortunately missed a week of #28 Days:(  My last post was about how the media broke my heart and what I learnt from the experience. Jen English recommended this article to me
http://mobile.nytimes.com/2015/02/15/magazine/how-one-stupid-tweet-ruined-justine-saccos-life.html?referrer=&_r=0and it really got me thinking and reflecting on the human race and that we can learn from incidents such as these, and start developing a way to address these issues in the classroom.

Several issues caught my attention. You never know if something will go viral and thus any controversial statements should only be delivered if you are aware what the consequences may be and feel that you are able to deal with these consequences. It reminded me once more that media relying on sensationalism, have very little regard for a person. A tweet may be made in jest, taken out of context or be as a result of a bad day and in a moment your life is no longer your own. An audience of people who do not know you wishing and waiting for your demise.

Our situation was by no means as harsh or life altering as Justine Sacco's, but I certainly learnt that my best interests are not close to the hearts of strangers. Once posted on Social Media, opening with a question and leaving the public to comment, was a sure way to get a response. And it made me realise that we say we are kind, but this proved the contrary.

I am absolutely for social media, if exercised with kindness and respect. Unfortunately through the ages, as a human race, we often lack kindness. Love is kind, so I am afraid that the main missing ingredient in our lives is love. I am not talking romantic love, I am talking the kind of love where we empathise, we look to help people meet needs and when people make mistakes we don't attack it like vultures, but rather suggest why we are in disagreement and show them a loving alternative. Yes, it probably wasn't the best tweet from Justine, but who of us can say we have not said things we regret. It is when it is capitalised upon and we feel part of a group mentality to publicly humiliate another person that I feel saddened. It is a good opportunity to help me keep a check on myself, that I do not fall into the trap of degrading another human being.

It is atimely reminder that my role as a teacher is to instil in my students a deeper understanding of social media, both in being mindful about what they post but also how to interact with others and to act with kindness, love and respect. And finally, something I subscribe to - do not get involved in arguments on social media. There are some interesting topics that come through my newsfeed and people immediately jumping in until it becomes a bitter mess. I don't take the bait. I refuse to enter into a duel with a person (or person's) I do not know. We are entitled to our opinion, we all have them, but we need to share them with love and know when to walk away.

The day the media broke my heart part 2 #28days #day13

Let's just say that a lot of processing took place after the media destroyed my reputation, but through it all, I saw a light. The people who know us came to our rescue with kind words, heartfelt love, some even defending us on social media. I bumped into a friend who reminded me that a person's opinion is a reflection on them and not me and another who took my hand in prayer. And despite the misery I found silver linings were everywhere.

What did I learn? I learnt that the media certainly hasn't got my best interests at heart, I learnt that people can be mean, so mean. I learnt that people who know nothing about IVF are pretty insensitive and I learnt that although there are bitter, angry people in the world, there are people who may not agree with the cause, but defend a person they don't know.

Apart from the media letting me down, the human race certainly fell short too. I felt a sense of sadness for people who must be negative based on their own life circumstances, and like my mom says, they really just need prayer. I wonder if these people knew me, if they would say the same thing or if they would actually say that to my face, as a stranger, but still have the guts to tell me in person?

Social media can be used positively, but in the same way we show respect to fellow human beings in society, the same respect should be exercised on social media. As a teacher, I hope that I can teach my students about respect, respect in all areas. A human in 'cyberspace' is still a person and we need to use the same skills, respect and kindness whether we agree or not, in all arena's. There is an unwritten etiquette that we are responsible to share with our students if we want them to contribute positively as digital citizens.

Hiding behind a screen sprouting negativity has no place in my world. And even when you are subjected to ridicule, bitterness and unkindness, rise above it and don't merely become a reflection of these people. Criticism certainly helps us grow. We can change if we see room to improve, but don't let it break you, let it make you stronger and better.

The day the media broke my heart. Part 1. #28days Day12

In an earlier blog post I mentioned that I was going to write about a media incident that recently threw our lives into a bit or turmoil. Well, my life hubby is not as affected by such things as me. He is stronger than me when it comes to matters of the heart. I take more personally things said, I need to analyse and do a full check of myself before I can move on. It was a tough week! Here's the first part of the story:

A few weeks ago, The Project on channel 10 contacted us about a doing a story on the high costs of IVF, especially if you experience several unsuccessful rounds in your journey to trying to have a baby. Anyway, a few months ago hubby set up a crowd-funded page for friends and family overseas who had indicated they would like to donate some money so we could do a fifth and final attempt to give our little girl a baby brother or sister (she regularly asks me to grow a baby in my belly and also prays for a baby, a 'real one, not a pretend one'.). The Project came across this page and that is how they made contact. The premise for the interview (that would be televised nationally) was a focus on the high costs of IVF and making people aware of these high costs and that the gofundme page would be mentioned briefly if someone felt the desire to donate. No pressure, no expectations. Well that is how I understood it.

Sadly, my intrigue about appearing on national TV clearly clouded my thinking, that a controversial topic like this could potentially be a great hook for viewership. The interviewer was great. We covered plenty of information. The televised interview wasn't bad, though there was some parts of the interviewI would've not cut out. Anyway, the story did talk about the high costs of IVF though there was more mention of the crowd-funding than I expected. The panel were pretty positive about the cause though, in our interview the part where we explained that setting up crowd-funding made it much easier for friends and family to donate was omitted for the general public.

On their website and Facebook page things went absolutely crazy. All it said was 'Would you crowd-fund a baby?' Seriously? That is not the story I signed up for, but they capitalised in my life, my journey and made a media spectacle of my family. I am not impressed at how it was portrayed on the internet at all. I sent them an email but by the time the posts were removed all the bitter, ugly comments had already scarred my heart. The fact that they could use something so sensitive to promote viewership is beyond me. I really should know the media better.

I have learnt a valuable lesson and I will share more about this with you tomorrow. I hope you will follow my story of stupidity. Someone said 'Go big or go home', well this story of embarrassing myself certainly went big - if you are going to make a fool of yourself, why not do it nationally. (Hey, at least I can laugh at myself now, despite some lingering heart ache)

Before Uni starts #28days day11

I have spent some of the evening catching up on one of my favourite shows 'Hart of Dixie' and now I just ordered my text books for this semester's Uni subject. Once I complete this subject I will be halfway through my Masters woohooo! Still a couple of years to go though, but I am finding studying again a worthwhile experience in achieving one of my lifelong goals, to be a school guidance officer/counsellor.

I do hope that one day when I pursue a job in this area that I will still be able to get into the classroom with students and work on areas such as resilience, self-esteem, kindness, respect, believing in dreams etc.

I think working with a group and individuals is a benefit to a school as for many students this could actually help prevent issues from arising if the skills are taught before landing up in a situation.

Anyway, 3 textbooks ordered and in a few short weeks I am going to be very busy in the evenings between school work and studying (no more Hart of Dixie) but that's okay :) I am content, happy and ready for it (though our healthier eating plan does not include chocolate, which is proving to be a little more difficult for me;))

These are a few of my favourite things :) #28days Day10

A few of my favourite things: credit to the Sound of Music :)
(Oh and these are just a few, I love many things and am grateful for all my blessings)

Chocolates on Fridays and train station breezes
Glitter and laughter and when a baby sneezes
Lonely park benches and beds that are kings (king size)
These are a few of my favourite things.

Movies on weekends and comfortable shoes
Reading great novels, an afternoon snooze
Days in pyjama's and when my little girl sings
These are a few of my favourite things.

Pancakes on rainy days and eskimo kisses,
Holding hands with my hubby and moments so precious
My Bible, my parents and random ponderings
These are a few of my favourite things

When life hurts
When my heart aches
When tears run down my cheeks
I simply remember my favourite things
And then I don't feel so bad

Staff showcasing-100minute engagement plan. #28days Day9

This year my school has introduced 100 minute lessons. Keeping students engaged for this amount of time is not easy, so today after school we were privileged to visit a few staff members show-casing their tools on keeping students engaged for 100 minutes.

There were several sessions to choose from, but we only had enough time to attend three 10 minute slot each.

Some of the strategies shared by our Head of English Susan included: evoking emotions with mind maps and artefacts, brainstorming or quizzes (a little bit of competition), dividing questions up to groups and certain individuals in groups so in essence peers teach peers, but each student has a responsibility and needs to be responsible for their own question. Puppets or posters for the learners who like to visualise, let them use these props to explain parts of the text. Get the students to dramatise parts of the text, this could be done by acting out parts, pretending to d a TV segment etc. And of course technology, use it well and both you and the students benefit.

The next session I attended was that of our Head of Middle School, Robyn. Her list of 10 compliments of http://www.edutopia.org/classroom-student-participation-tips She walked us through some of these ideas including mind warm-ups, using movement, co-operative learning structures, Quickwrites, undivided attention, fairness cup (I think I am going to try this one - I have some chatty students but all only the same ones raise their hands to answer questions), teamwork, again the use of technology and mixing up your teaching style to keep them interested and engaged.

My final visit was to the music teacher Ian who did a session on Maths and Music. There were so many choices, but this one intrigued me and and it certainly was fun clapping and keeping a beat. It required a bit of co-ordination, but counting helped me stay in rhythm (mostly) and by doing, participating in a group and having to concentrate on my beats, that I can see that this would get the students attention first before they have to do some theory work.

So what is my '100 minute engagement plan'? Shake it up, get them moving a bit, change activities often and include some fun and crazies as energisers. I might do some thumb wars halfway through my history lesson tomorrow to get the energy flowing. I will use a term that my daughter and I say 'I've got our crazies on,' I think I might have to get my crazies on for more fun and engaged learners...now just to get them to laugh at my jokes ;)

It certainly is a privilege to be part of a team where we can learn from one another, we can create ideas, implement new ideas and all this learnt from our very own staff. As a 'kind of' new staff member I feel that these opportunities offer so much value. I can ask more questions, adopt new approaches and add more skills to my teaching. I can try things I haven't tried before more confidently because others have and can offer me advice. I certainly am learning heaps and feel inspired by being part of this team, I just wish I could've attended more and seen more of what other staff members are doing.

GRIT as an acronym, my teaching words for 2015: #28days Day8

While following twitter so far this year, I saw a few people suggest a word that they would choose to be their focus for the year. I like the word GRIT and although as a word it is great stand-alone, I found that using it as an acronym for my year will be my source of encouragement. I hope it challenges me to focus on these areas and regularly assess them: 

G- Gratitude, thankfulness. When I am grateful I seem to enjoy life more. It makes us more resilient to challenging times and we don't take for granted all those great people in our lives. I want to focus on being more grateful for all my blessings, my husband, my daughter, my family, friends, colleagues and students, the opportunity to teach, study and enjoy days off with my daughter before she starts school next year. 

R- Relationships. Along with being grateful, I want to develop positive and engaging relationships with my students, their parents and the people I work alongside. Good relationships need work, effort and time, but they are so worth it. 

I- Invested, this is one of my favourite words. When we are invested in something, we give it our all, we want what is best for it and this is what I want for my family, my students, my school and my studies. I am going to have to balance it all, but I will ensure that I am giving each area the attention it requires and loving the variety of moments I find myself in.

T- Try. If you don't try, you won't know. Taking risks, exploring ideas and implementing them. If I fail, brush myself off, learn from them and move on. Try, try and try again. 

Well that is my acronym for GRIT. Grit is important in life, we need it to succeed, we need it to get up from failures, we need it to cope with challenges and most of all we need to model it to teach our young people. 

Resilience #28Days Day7

One of my favourite topics is resilience. We live in a world where many of our young people face challenges and difficulties. We expect them to concentrate in class and keep up, but if circumstances do not permit and we are unaware, we can be setting them up for disaster. 

Last year I took a different direction as a high school chaplain and it was an eye-opener to me as to how many students face lives I could never imagine: parent suicides, abuse, neglect, parents disappearing and uncaring, incest, suicidal thoughts, and so the list continues. It made me realise that many kids have parents and family failing them. School is the place where they spend a lot of time and it should be a place where instead of adding to the risk factors that could put their futures in serious detriment, it should be a place where they feel safe, encouraged and supported.

Without caring about our students, without getting to know our students (obviously not all will open up, but you'd be surprised how many do with little prompting) we can't address these issues, issues that are more important than school. Many of the students I listened to were unable to concentrate in class due to home life and felt that teachers never took the time to consider the difficulties they were experiencing. We have deadlines, curriculums to follow and progress to make but first and foremost is the wellbeing of our students. You don't know whose role-model you might be, but a positive word, a helpful hand, a kind gesture can go  a long way not only in being the sunshine in a person's life, but it can help pave the way to resilience and helping cope when the stakes are high.

Resilience is about support, feeling part of something. Encourage a student to join a sport team or cultural activity, commend them on any positive behaviours, get to know them for who they are as a person and not based on their classroom behaviour or grades. We may not be super heroes, but  we certainly can be kind and caring in a bitter and angry world.

Fall asleep Friday - History 100 #28Days Day 5

My grade 10 History class were so tired by the time the last 100 minute lesson of the day arrived. One actually fell asleep within about two minutes of being in the classroom (and waking him was not easy), another one kept wanting to play a game called 'Sleeping Lions' or something where everyone has to lie still and they all have to try do it for the longest (I might try this game with my 4 year old when I need a nap) he also stretched his arms out over his desk every time he finished writing an answer down while the rest of the class all finished. It reminded me that these students have a full week of attending classes, processing and engaging with content, ideas, processes and so forth, that by Friday afternoon they are ready for the weekend. We all need time away from schoolwork and the daily grind, even our students who although we want the best for them, need to know that they need to recharge before they can begin again.

What I would love also are any history games or energises that I could do with them on that Friday afternoon slump. If anyone has any great ideas or resources I would LOVE them as I don't suppose coffee would be a good option;) I am wondering how to make World War II interesting and have considered our very own NERF gun war :)

On that note I am pretty wrecked myself and look forward to some rest and recuperation with my family on the weekend in between some school work, house work and maybe catch up on some TV shows. Have a great weekend.

When God speaks #28days day5

This is going to be a short one because I am absolutely exhausted and still have some prep to do for tomorrow:

After the whole TV debacle (still coming - processing, pondering), I was clearing off the fridge yesterday and came across the following verses stuck on there: 'Cast your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you,' (Psalm 55:22), this was followed by the verse 'Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you' (2 Peter 5:7). A few minutes after looking at this verse and feeling comforted, the daily verse on my Bible app came though to my phone, it was from Philippians 4:6-7 and the message was as follows, 'Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus'. 

I have sometimes said that I wish God would send an email or text, and yesterday I feel He sent me a text message via my phone. We make mistakes, we have regrets and we experience heart ache but we have a God who offers us peace to calm our anxiety, a Creator who shows us love and speaks to us in countless ways and reminds us that His love is eternal, everlasting, unconditional and constant no matter the circumstances. So I put my anxiety before Him and have felt peace and thankful for the bigger picture. 

Thank you for  reading, Jacqui